Cultural Differences

    No matter where you live you will see cultural differences in people, or regions, or neighborhoods, or churches.  Living in another country we see even more cultural differences—language, food, dress, respect, justice, shopping, driving, worship, etc…

   One of my ministries with Youth involves attending weddings for many of them that take the stand and actually have a wedding rather than just living together.  I know a lot about the traditions of the tribes that I work with, especially the village traditions.  Recently I attended my brother’s wedding and noticed so many stark differences between our two cultures. In some ways I think the marriage, dating, wedding culture of Tanzania is one of the areas that differs greatly from our own culture. 

The couple will kiss in public here.

In Tanzania the groom never will touch or hug or eat with his mother-in-law.  The bride will never touch, joke with, hug or eat with her Father-in-law.  Both would bow or curtsy when greeting their in-law of the opposite gender.  In the US, my dad performed the ceremony!

We have one or two songs chosen by the couple for the ceremony, they have choirs attend and write songs for the couple. The pastor will also choose his words without consulting the couple at all.

Premarital counseling in Tanzania is done as a seminar in each regions, where all engaged couples gather at a leading pastor’s home and learn from him and his wife while also helping with farming and chores.

The couple stands in the ceremony and faces the pastor here. The couple sits for much of the ceremony facing the crowd, standing only to say their vows.

The reception is a minor event in the village, a big event where you need to pay to reserve a place in the city.  Here we decide how big or how small but never charge.

In the US everyone had their own seat and was calm during the service. In Tanzania everyone crowds in to see what is happening, even if they don’t know the couple.  You are lucky to get a seat at all. The women are constantly trilling and waving cloths around.

The best man/maid of honor are busy in Tanzania as they spend much of the time wiping the sweat from their brows and dust from their feet. Talking on their behalf sometimes and usually are expected to be a married couple who will provide good counsel later.  They give no speeches. And they are the only ones attending the couple. They wear the best clothes they have, even if it is just a Tshirt or a borrowed shirt and tie.

In Tanzania the wedding, bride, transport--- well practically everything is paid for by the groom’s family. He will even rent a wedding dress for her and she may never get to see it until that day.  Here the wedding is traditionally the bride’s family. 

In Tanzania gifts are given publicly, dancing them up when you called. At the brides home they eat and give gifts and then they move to the grooms home to finish the celebration.  At each home those related to that side will give gifts.  So at the bride’s home, the MC would call for the parents, then the aunts, then the uncles, then the brothers, etc… Sometimes they just give some soap or a bowl. But they show the world what is given.  (I’ve tried to discreetly place a gift on the table in front of the couple, and the men helping care for the gifts will lift it up to show all what was given. I think it has to do with accountability.)

The morning after the wedding, in Tanzania, the bride will cook something for her new ‘family’. All the in-laws and aunts and uncles come in turn and if she serves them well, they place a small coin in her hand and begin greeting her and giving family advice.  She has an aunt accompany her for a couple days to help her cook and prepare this meal.

There are many more things about the bride-price, engagement, etc… But I will close with one of the most obvious—THE BRIDE CAN SMILE in the US. In Tanzania, she will be considered prideful so she keeps her head bowed the entire day.

  There are many more that I could mention but enough is enough. You’ll just have to come see for yourself.