Death

And as it is appointed for men to die once, but after this the judgment, Heb 9:27

Today a man died.  I was there when it happened. He reaped the results of years of selfish living. He died of AIDS.  I watched as he began the death rattle and then led his wife from the room.  His brother stayed the next few minutes until it was finished.  Then they covered the body and began to clear the room of furniture and other household items so that people could pack the room full and mourn with his family.
It is hard to describe the emotions I have right now. This man was abusive, lazy, selfish, alcoholic and a thief.  His ex-wife is my dear friend.  When he moved away a few years ago and started to live with another woman whose first husband died of AIDS, she put her foot down.  Eventually they divorced and he returned to the other wife.  If he came back to town he would crash in her kitchen and claim the land was his.  (I cannot even begin to explain all the cultural differences and nuances here, so just trust me. I know it doesn’t make sense but it is what it is.)

When he came back last summer for a family funeral, he was visibly sick.  He crashed in the kitchen but this time he couldn’t even think of physically abusing her and soon began treatment for AIDS.  She painstakingly fed him and cared for him as he faded away.  Her example to the entire village of selflessness was in contrast to his selfish, rude attitude.  Pictured here are the two of them maybe 10 minutes before he passed away.  She didn’t have to care for him at all, yet her testimony will affect many.

So my emotions are: Sad for my friend who is mourning along with their 4 children. Two of their children live across the country and it will take a couple days for them to reach home. Relief for her as well that this painful burden is gone. Concern because I do not know if he ever accepted Christ. Two weeks ago the pastor visited and clearly shared the Gospel with him and answered many questions. Minutes before he passed I too shared the Gospel with him, but I don’t know how much he understood at that point. He did say he hoped to be with God.  Prayerful for my friend as she will have to deal with people grieving and giving condolences for the next several days. Helplessness as the cultural barriers are so different and I can do little.
The mourning began this evening and there will be many older women sleeping with her tonight surrounding the body.  Each new person will come and wail  aloud with the widow.  Most people will bring food during meal times and there will be those appointed to divvy it up amongst the mourners.  Each meal that is brought will be announced to the widow and those around her (they keep track of who participates and who does not).
They will measure his body (which was not much anymore) and make a coffin to his dimensions, while young men go to the graveyard and dig the grave. When it is all done, they will begin a service or some sort and the whole crowd will proceed to the cemetery. The immediate family members will have friends who will support them on the long walk and as they cry/wail. It is not uncommon to see wives or children faint at the graveside.  They will fill the grave in with dirt, many men taking turns with the shovel or hoe. Then women will come with buckets of water and to pack it down by hand. Then they will read the history of the deceased so most can hear.  After the burial many will disperse. Those who came from afar will return to the home and neighbors will bring food. 
The next day they will just sit. Close family will just sit, men in one area, women in another area, usually outside. Those from afar will come and wail and give condolences.  Other villagers will pass by to bring food for the mourners.
Then on the third day, many will gather as they finish the funeral.  They will all sit around. There will be a meal prepared, often a cow butchered and large pans of ugali made.  They will divide people into small groups and each person will taste the funeral food. It usually isn’t enough to fill you up but it is important that you take part.  They will have met as a clan and figure out how to divide the deceased’s belongings (in the old days they would decide who would inherit his wife). And then most will disperse.
For the next couple days there will be many still coming to give condolences, those who couldn’t be there during the first three days. 
So pray for my friend and her family.  Thank the Lord that the illness wasn’t too drawn out as it could have been.  As I remember the last few minutes of this man’s life, these verses come to mind.  He wasted most of his life away in pleasing himself. 
Lu 12:21 "So is he who lays up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God."
Ec 9:10 Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might; for there is no work or device or knowledge or wisdom in the grave where you are going.
Ro 8:6 For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.